Báo cáo mẫu — Phương IELTS

Bài viết gốc

Band 6.0

Đề bài: Some people believe that children should spend more time learning with computers and the Internet, and less time with traditional teachers and textbooks. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, technology has become a big part of our life, especial for education. Some people think that children should learn with computers and the Internet more than with teachers and books. I partly agree with this idea, because technology is useful but teacher also very important.

On the one hand, technology bring many benefits for students. First, the Internet have a huge amount of information, so student can find anything they want very quickly. For example, when I was at school, I used YouTube to learn English grammar and it was very helpful. Second, computers make learning more interesting. Children can play education games or watch videos, so they will not get bored easily. These things can help children to study better.

On the other hand, teachers and school still play an important role in a child education. Teachers can explain difficult thing clearly and answer question of students. If a student has a problem, the teacher can help him immediately, but a computer cannot understand feeling of the student. Moreover, school teach children many social skills like teamwork and communication, which they cannot learn from a screen. A classroom also give children a chance to make friends and learn how to behave with other people.

In conclusion, I believe that computers and Internet are very useful tools for learning, but they cannot replace teachers and school completely. The best way is combine technology with traditional teaching. So children can get the benefit of both.

Điểm tổng kết

Band descriptors

6.0 Band tổng

Task Response6.0

Coherence & Cohesion6.0

Lexical Resource6.0

Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5

Nhận xét từng tiêu chí

Task Response (TR)

6.0

Bài viết trả lời đúng trọng tâm đề bài, nêu rõ quan điểm "partly agree" và trình bày được cả hai phía. Tuy nhiên các ý còn khá chung, chưa phát triển sâu và thiếu ví dụ cụ thể ở một vài chỗ. Để lên band 7, cần mở rộng từng ý (giải thích vì sao + ví dụ + hệ quả) và giữ lập trường xuyên suốt.

Coherence & Cohesion (CC)

6.0

Bài có bố cục 4 đoạn rõ ràng và dùng các từ nối cơ bản (On the one hand, On the other hand, First, Second, Moreover, In conclusion). Cách nối còn khá máy móc, một số câu chưa liền mạch (ví dụ câu "So children can get…" đứng tách rời). Cần dùng thêm từ thay thế, từ đồng nghĩa và liên kết ý tự nhiên hơn.

Lexical Resource (LR)

6.0

Vốn từ đủ dùng cho chủ đề (information, communication, teamwork…) và có cố gắng diễn đạt lại đề. Vẫn còn lỗi dạng từ (especial → especially, education games → educational games) và một vài cách dùng chưa tự nhiên (understand feeling of the student). Cần mở rộng từ vựng học thuật và collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy (GRA)

5.5

Câu viết có kết hợp câu đơn – câu phức nhưng độ chính xác chưa cao: nhiều lỗi chia động từ (technology bring, the Internet have, school teach), thiếu động từ/mạo từ và lỗi sở hữu cách. Lỗi xuất hiện thường xuyên nhưng chưa gây khó hiểu — đúng mức band 5.5–6. Cần rà soát Subject–Verb Agreement và mạo từ trước khi nộp.

Lỗi chi tiết & câu sửa

Chỉ rõ từng lỗi

Từ vựngDạng từ

…technology has become a big part of our life, especial for education.

…technology has become a big part of our life, especially for education.
Ngữ phápThiếu động từ

…technology is useful but teacher also very important.

…technology is useful, but teachers are also very important.
Ngữ phápSubject–Verb Agreement

On the one hand, technology bring many benefits for students.

On the one hand, technology brings many benefits for students.
Ngữ phápSubject–Verb Agreement

First, the Internet have a huge amount of information…

First, the Internet has a huge amount of information…
Ngữ phápDanh từ số nhiều

…so student can find anything they want very quickly.

…so students can find anything they want very quickly.
Từ vựngDạng từ

Children can play education games or watch videos…

Children can play educational games or watch videos…
Ngữ phápSở hữu cách

…teachers and school still play an important role in a child education.

…teachers and schools still play an important role in a child's education.
Ngữ phápSố nhiều + sở hữu cách

Teachers can explain difficult thing clearly and answer question of students.

Teachers can explain difficult things clearly and answer students' questions.
Từ vựngDiễn đạt tự nhiên

…a computer cannot understand feeling of the student.

…a computer cannot understand how the student feels.
Ngữ phápSubject–Verb Agreement

Moreover, school teach children many social skills…

Moreover, schools teach children many social skills…
Ngữ phápSubject–Verb Agreement

A classroom also give children a chance to make friends…

A classroom also gives children a chance to make friends…
Ngữ phápThiếu "to" trước động từ

The best way is combine technology with traditional teaching.

The best way is to combine technology with traditional teaching.

Đoạn viết lại mẫu (band 7+)

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